Story

If You drew a portrait of me, would I find Your face in it. If You caught a likeness of me, would You be ashamed of it? Am I becoming what You wanna see? Let me be Your master piece...

Last week the moving truck was loaded up, "see you soon" s were said, and I made my way to Maryland.  I expected that I would spend the 7 hour trip sobbing. Saying goodbye to so much and saying hello to something BIG and SCARY, completely outside of my control and my plan, but honestly? I was thrilled. The way there was so easy. I was even giddy when I saw my first Maryland sign and was ready to see this new phase of my life unfold right before my eyes.

The first night in MD was spent in a hotel and everything was sunshine and rainbows. 

Then Wednesday morning hit. 

As I sat in the leasing office of my new apartment suddenly every single doubt and fear that I didn't even realize I had hit me in one second. I thought it was the price tag of living in a bigger city than I'm used to- let's be honest here I've lived in three places: Toledo, OH, Anderson, IN, and Mansfield, OH- none of which are big or high in price tags. Or I thought it was maybe that I didn't actually like my apartment from first glance- because it lacked so much character. 

Mansfield, OH Home

You see, for the last 2.5 years I have lived in the house above. It was built in 1903 and had SO much character. I immediately fell in love with the imperfections that come with old homes, the sweet details that weren't cookie cutter at all, and the story of the people who had built it. 

This sweet home was built in 1903 and in 1925 the father of twin woman gave them this house to share. In 1930 they had a massive "falling out", but both refused to move out, so they did what any smart woman would do. They split the house in two different apartments. ;) In 1946 the women were on their death beds and finally forgave each other. 

Maybe it's because of this explanation that my heart screams, "HOME", every single time I remember it. Or maybe it's because of the healing that occurred in that home for me.

Complete healing from a lifetime romance gone bad.

Complete healing from a nasty eating disorder. 

Complete healing from a lifetime of trying to hide the talents and advances God equipped me with academically. 

Continuing healing from perfectionism.  

Continuing healing of my perceptions of myself and my future. 

Sitting in the leasing office, with my new apartment buildings managers staring at me, I started sobbing. Perfect timing right? I couldn't of waited until I was alone in my room?! No, totally not my style. I wear my heart on my sleeves and happy/sad tears are my words in most cases. I just felt bad for the poor managers who didn't know what to do. 

It took me getting in the Word that night in my bare room to understand what had happened.

Mansfield, OH and that sweet home wasn't the cause of my healing. 

Jesus was. 

The same God who was in that house, walking me through painful situations and circumstances to get to complete freedom is still with me on the other side of all of that pain in this apartment.

Mansfield, OH represents HEALING. 

Baltimore, MD represents FREEDOM. 

And that apartment that I didn't like? It quickly grew on me. 

And that job that is BIG and SCARY? It's still pretty big and scary, but it is wonderful. Every single detail is more than I had ever hoped for. 

My mentor once said, "Erica, the only person that is holding you back from God's best is YOU. Let. GO." 

10 years later, I finally listened, and gave up complete control.

God wrote my Maryland story before I was ever on board. I'm so excited to see what the pages have to offer for me!!